Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in cary__retlin's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007
11:21 am	So some one asked me what the hell is wrong with me. The thing is I dont feel anything bad just well really anxious about school starting in the fall, I also have a profound sense of not giving a shit. Current Mood: gloomy
Saturday, June 2nd, 2007
12:06 pm	So basically at prom I was given a choice. Be the phantom of the Opera and be in love with some one skulking from the shadows while secretly killing people. Or get over it.
Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
10:35 am	So who the fuck does Kristy think she is saying we can only be together if we can be with other people? seriously? I keep thinking to myself why she would want some one else. Is it the fact that I dye my hair pink sometimes? or my really old jacket? or my dog? do I stink? I know I sound like a fucking girl here but whats wrong with me? Current Mood: enraged
Monday, April 2nd, 2007
10:36 am	So here I am in Las Vegas and once again it's all because of a girl , the sad thing about this place is even in the camp grounds seeing the stars happens to be impossible. It's gotten less intense over the past few weeks I mean I no longer feel the need to run around crying hysterically. Sometimes though it just hits me and I miss her so much it takes a few seconds for breathing to kick back in. Is it stupid to chase something forever only to loose it when you get it? should it really matter that she never loved me? maybe I never should have said it. Maybe I'm an idiot but then again we've all known that and my parade still hasnt come. A WHOLE YEAR AND THE PARADE STILL ISN'T HERE. Well only two more months of this bullshit then NYC thank god. Current Mood: weird
Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
12:12 pm	The major problem with getting the girl you want is that once you have her you end up spending eighty percent of your time worrying about her wellbeing. My darling Kristy is a big girl and she can tye her own laces but the problem is she tends to keep running and running until she slams herself in the wall, is it wrong that I'm glad she quit her job? Today was also interesting because Grace Blume smiled at me during rehersal, that girl terrifies me. Current Mood: listless
Thursday, February 1st, 2007
11:27 am	Have you ever waited forever to have something then found yourself almost dying of happiness when it happens?
Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
11:02 am	So I really dont want to talk about how I wish I'd spent New Years eve, besides it's pretty obvious how I spent it. Love is so epic and filled with so much bloodshed. Current Mood: stressed
Sunday, November 19th, 2006
11:26 pm	I think there is some sort of weird thing going on where if your Cary Retlin you can settle for something moderatly good but you never really get what you truly want. I mean sure occasionally something will fall into your path and for a little while it'll all be nice, but not fantastic, never fantastic. The thing is you can settle for second best when you know you're not good enough for first. Which means you'll get lots of nice things along the way but if you're smart you'll know what the truly fantastic thing is, you know what you want and you know you'll never get it. But thats life isn't it? you need to accentuate the positive and re-eliminate the negative. I just wish it wouldn't always get back to her, ever since I was a stupid little kid it's always been going back to her. If I wasn't enjoying myself so much i'd be miserble. Current Mood: lonely
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
12:38 pm	See if this was a teen movie ( the sort Alan watches) after this deep emotional thing I'd ask her to that dance or whatever. But I'm not that kinda guy and besides this isn't a movie. Current Mood: working
Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
12:40 pm	Greetings from Brooklyn. Happy birthday Alan my hetrosexual life mate. My advice? look at the ski's! I mean skies. Current Mood: refreshed
Thursday, August 17th, 2006
8:07 pm	You see this is exactly why guys are pricks and refuse to commit to relationships or whatever the FUCK is going on. I am sick of this, I am sick and tired of giving everything I have to every girl only to have them leave me alone with a piece of me missing. The first girl I dated took a piece, Abby took a piece and now another has gone. I've only got so much more before there is nothing left So guess what it turns out that when Stacey Mcgill says she loves you it can be likened to a normal person saying " cool hat" because apparently it doesn't mean anything at all. Or it means " I love you unless you show an opinion of your own or say something I dont like because god forbid if you show any sort of free will" I'm going to go throw some old glass bottles against my basements walls. Current Mood: heartbroken
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
11:46 am	If I'm going to be honest I'd have to admit I've never considered dating the prom queen type before or what it entails. The thing is I love her, I never expected I'd love some one like that. But isn't love supposed to go beyond all that stuff? I mean look at Beatrice and Benidict or my parents for that matter. Current Mood: hopeful
Thursday, June 29th, 2006
11:04 am	I just woke up from a nap where I was dreaming that everyone had black veins all over their faces. I know that it's a metaphor for something but only Stacey had no veins at all. Fuck. I'm going to go yell at my brothers. Current Mood: creeped out
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
10:46 pm	Prom tonight doo doo doo be dooo Today happens to be a fantastic day, its one of those days where the sun shines down on you ( so ok its raining outside) and the world is shining like like an opal, oh but those are unlucky. You get the point. Of course my dad finally noticed that we do have a van in our drive way and asked why I blew my college fund on it.Then he remembered that when my grandfather dies I'm inherting fifty grand and he's not going to last until the end of the year. Anyway like I said, the world? total shinyness.. mmm I can still smell something nice lingering on my tuxedo and it isn't flowery thank fucking god. So the moral of this story children is that occasionally the prom queen will chose the goofy alternative love interest as apposed to the jock. You know like the movie sixteen candles, better not tell Alan about that movie though because he'll obsess all over it. Current Mood: silly
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
1:29 pm	A fairytale "This is a secret" whispered the princess with the golden hair as she stared downwards watching the Black Knight errant who stooped below her castle. Something shifted close by, a rat, with fur light brown and dark eyes darker then the Black Knight's armour, darker then the dead of space. "The secret is you can only ever be rescued by one sort of person, only one soul can climb my hair only one hero can burn down the entire world" And the rats hair bristled along side the delicate sound of thunder as the Knight began to climb. The knight entered the room once he'd climbed his maidens hair and once seeing the rat and once staring into it's dark dark eyes it withdrew it's sword. For everything good will be captured by something evil and the only act of freedom lies in the act of death. The rat however said nothing, resigned to what it's fate was and blood began to spill. Once upon a time. Current Mood: irritated
Thursday, April 20th, 2006
5:57 pm	The truth shall make ye frett. So basically I've spun the sort of web which is usually created by a half drunk spider who has recently had a near death experience involving a bathtub. This is the situation you find yourself in Retlin. You're in the middle of a game of chess and you thought it would be brilliant and lie to all the watchers claiming a pawn is in fact the queen. However this lie works far too well and suddenly everyone in the world believes the pawn is the queen when that is really far beyond the truth. So you end up finding yourself trapped in a game where you no longer understand the rules. Current Mood: crazy actually
Saturday, April 8th, 2006
9:51 pm	I've come to the swift conclusion that Kristy Thomas is the anti christ, I mean if you lift her baseball cap you'll be able to see the letters 666 written across her face! Not only is she a liar she's also the sort of girl who accuses her best friend of suicide. Sucide isn't a joke kiddies and bringing that up to a girl who saw a psychiatrist? NOT COOL MAN. Something has to be done, obviously I thought that kicking her out of my van would teach her a thing or to about thinking your the king shit of the universe and obviously I was wrong. The key here isn't to punish her rather it's to teach her that Mary Anne isn't the cry baby goth cutter freak she seems to think she is. Boo, I have a plan. We'll start by getting a priest to bless all her bottle water. Current Mood: grrrr peas
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
11:14 am	FUCK FUCK FUCK. Current Mood: FUCK Current Music: SHUT THE FUCK UP ALAN
Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
9:55 pm	We cant rewind we've gone too far. One day I'll wake up and not feel like such a complete and utter idiot, one glorious day. It'll be fantastic and people will hold a parade in honour of this wonderful event. And you, ah yes you will be standing in the crowd with that impish smile on your face that reminds me so much of Holly Golightly crossed with Christina Ricci in Casper (man I love that movie) and then I'll be finally able to?. I never really get to this part because well we all know it's never going to happen don't we? I walk down the main street and the only parades I ever see have either babies or dogs in them. I come down to breakfast and my dad calls me a moron because I'm failing math due to the fact that I just don't care about numbers. And that smile is never there because lately you never seem to smile anymore and you look really sad when you think nobodies watching. So I sit alone reading books by other people all of which have sort of happy endings and next thing I know I'm buying a car and driving away. One magical day. Maybe they have parades in California. Current Mood: optimistic
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
11:11 am	A bubble spoke to me this afternoon and asked " How is it?" "How is what?" I questioned. "How is it that humans can live in such a truly fragile shell? for surely there are a thousand ways to die". And then it popped, just like that leaving nothing but a sheen of moisture and soon even that was gone. Current Mood: depressed